There Is No Ethan

June 10, 2024
Sociologist Akbari (Startup Your Life) expands on her 2014 Observer article for this riveting account of deception and emotional abuse in the early days of online dating. It begins in March 2011, when Akbari connected with two other women who had been communicating with—and growing suspicious of—a man named Ethan Schuman, before flashing back to December 2010, when Akbari received her first OkCupid message from Ethan, initiating their protracted virtual courtship. “It was his cleverness, his openness, and... his eagerness to keep the conversation going” that Akbari says kept her hooked despite repeated delays to their IRL meeting (Ethan’s excuses escalated from a snowstorm to a cancer diagnosis). The narrative takes on a thriller-like quality as Ethan grows increasingly cagey and flies into rages. Eventually, the women discover that Ethan is actually medical student Emily Slutsky (now a practicing gynecologist), who, when caught, offers insincere apologies and murky justifications; she pleads boredom, talks about Ethan as the narrator of a novel, and calls catfishing “an addiction.” While they were corresponding, Akbari was ironically teaching a class at NYU about the construction of identity—a topic about which she and Ethan mind-bendingly engage in a lively debate early on—and Akbari concludes with a fascinating if brief discussion of the sociological implications of catfishing. Though Emily’s motivations remain somewhat opaque, there’s plenty in this internet horror story to hold readers’ attention.

June 15, 2024
A sociologist uncovers the tale behind one of the world's sneakiest catfish. Akbari, a former professor at NYU and author of Startup Your Life, takes readers on an unforgettable journey into how she and two other women discovered the truth about the online catfish posing as "Ethan." The author wastes no time kicking off the propulsive narrative, dropping us right into an email conversation between the three female protagonists at the start of the book. Although the beginning section is somewhat confusing due to lack of information regarding the three women, once Akbari begins to detail her intense and intimate connection with Ethan, there is no putting this book down. The author met Ethan on an online dating website. As their intimacy deepened, she began to develop significant feelings for him--until she heard from two other women who both had their own personal histories with Ethan. At this point, countless questions boiled up to the surface. Akbari's attempt to answer them reads like a psychological thriller, as she documents her entire relationship with Ethan via a host of emails and chats. After multiple failed attempts to meet him and a wide variety of excuses, she was even more determined to figure out the mechanics behind this poisonous relationship. Ultimately, she wonders, who was she talking to, and what did he want? These two questions will burn in the back of readers' minds until the very end, when Ethan's true motives come to light. It's clear that once Akbari comprehended the depth of Ethan's deceit, she was dedicated to nothing but the truth, hopefully stopping Ethan from hurting more women in the process, and she offers a riveting story that puts into perspective the dark dangers of forming online relationships. A truly terrifying cautionary tale for anyone involved in the online dating world.

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