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Antiman

A Hybrid Memoir

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1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

Winner of the Restless Books Prize for New Immigrant Writing, Rajiv Mohabir's Antiman is an impassioned, genre-blending memoir that navigates the fraught constellations of race, sexuality, and cultural heritage that have shaped his experiences as an Indo-Guyanese queer poet and immigrant to the United States.

Growing up a Guyanese Indian immigrant in Central Florida, Rajiv Mohabir is fascinated by his family's stifled Hindu history and the legacy of his ancestors, who were indentured laborers on British sugarcane plantations. In Toronto he sits at the feet of Aji, his unlettered grandmother, listening to her stories and songs in her Caribbean Bhojpuri. By now Aji's eleven children have immigrated to North America and busied themselves with ascension, Christianity, and the erasure of their heritage and Caribbean accents. But Rajiv wants to know more: where did he come from, and why does he feel so out of place?

Embarking on a journey of discovery, he lives for a year in Varanasi, on the banks of the Ganges, perfecting his Hindi and Bhojpuri and tracing the lineage of his Aji's music. Returning to Florida, the cognitive dissonance of confederate flags, Islamophobia, and his father's disapproval sends him to New York, where finds community among like-minded brown activists, work as an ESL teacher, and intoxication in the queer nightlife scene. But even in the South Asian paradise of Jackson Heights, Rajiv feels like an outsider: "Coolie" rather than Desi. And then the final hammer of estrangement falls when his cousin outs him as an "antiman"—a Caribbean slur for men who love men—and his father and aunts disown him.

But Rajiv has learned resilience. Emerging from the chrysalis of his ancestral poetics into a new life, he embraces his identity as a poet and reclaims his status as an antiman—forging a new way of being entirely his own. Rapturous, inventive, and devastating in its critique of our own failures of inclusion, Antiman is a hybrid memoir that helps us see ourselves and relationships anew, and announces an exciting new talent in Rajiv Mohabir.

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    • Kirkus

      May 1, 2021
      An Indo-Guyanese queer poet recounts how he came to embrace his Hindu heritage and artistic leanings through his Guyanese grandmother. The London-born child of Guyanese immigrants to Florida, Mohabir was the only one in his Christianized family to take an interest in their "Coolie Hindoo" past and Aji, the paternal grandmother who represented it. The author's father insisted that the family "leave behind the backward ways" of colonial Guyana to travel to the U.S. But Mohabir was so intrigued by the languages Aji spoke (Guyanese Bhojpuri and Creole) and her songs that he began studying Hindi as a teenager and translating and transcribing his grandmother's words. Later, he went to Varanasi to find the origins of Aji's songs and study her language. His difference from his family not only manifested in his desire to recuperate a reviled past, but also in the life he led apart from his parents as an "antiman" (homosexual). Wanting to experience life more fully as a queer man, Mohabir went to New York via teaching fellowship and became more engaged in progressive politics and social justice issues. The author also engaged in relationships with other South Asian men, and, through a fellow activist who wrote poetry, he discovered what Aji's songs had already instilled in him: a love of the written word. Then a cousin outed Mohabir to his parents, and he came face to face with one of his deepest fears: losing his family for being an antiman, who were deemed "laughable" and "unworthy of support." After Aji died, relatives told him that she had loved and praised him for learning family traditions. Interwoven with Bhojpuri and Creole renderings of Aji's songs and stories as well as Mohabir's own interesting poetry, this distinctive memoir explores the complex, at times heartbreaking, intersection of identities and the tumultuous process of becoming an artist. A shattering and heartfelt journey from heartache and hesitancy to confidence, self-acceptance, and joy.

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  • English

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