Mr Darcy's Guide to Courtship

May 27, 2013
An English historian invites readers into the byzantine and hilarious world of early-19th-century English romance in this faux dating—er, courtship—guide from the protagonist of Pride & Prejudice himself, Fitzwilliam Darcy. Though he offers very little in the way of advice that will be useful in today’s dating world, Darcy, “dictating” to Brand (The Georgian Bawdyhouse), reveals attitudes typical of his particular time and place through discussions on English stoicism, remarks about the “weaker feminine intellect,” and recommendations to pursue your cousins and eschew “dandyism.” In one of many subtle, funny anachronisms, Darcy invokes Jay-Z’s song “99 Problems,” claiming “while I am beset by nigh on one hundred grievances, a vexatious female need not be counted among them.” He advises potential suitors to “be tall” or, if this is impossible, “invest in a monstrous tall hat,” and, in typical Darcian bluntness, “ensure that you are not utterly disgusting to behold.” Other Austen characters make appearances as well. Emma Woodhouse pens “An Apology for Single Ladies,” Darcy mocks William Collins’s pickup lines, and Caroline Bingley suggests treating acne with mercury paste. Brand has done a delightful job recreating Darcy at his most cranky, aloof, and—yes—charming.